aproclivity: (parker happy)
Dear Yuletide writer! 
Hello! I'm [archiveofourown.org profile] aproclivity and this is the first time that I'm feeling brave enough to do Yuletide, so I'm a little concerned I might be messing it up. Heh. If you have any questions for me, totally feel free to reach out to the mods so that you can ask em! Thanks for offering my fandoms! They're tiny and small and some of them are just like twelve people and a rock, but they all mean a great deal to me and I'm truly and honestly grateful to have new fic added to any and all of them! 

I know that sometimes it's easiest to just be generally broad with requests, so that's what I'm trying to do here. Also, if none of these strike your fancy, I'm just super glad to have you have added to the fics that are there for these fandoms. In general, I like a mixed bag from dark stuff to entirely silly fluffy stuff, but tend to prefer that all of my pairings have a shipping bent. I have a serious eye squick/blindness trigger, and am not great when it comes to animal death, but other than that I will totally read anything. 

The Black Tapes Podcast: Alex Reagan, Richard Strand
It's a bit hard for me to explain my love for this show, especially when it ended in such a terrible way, but I love the hell out of it--even the terrible parts. TBT was the first thing in over a decade that inspired me enough to actually go out and write fanfic for it. This is the one fandom where I have literally read every story at least once because I will read anything for it. More than that, it's the fandom through which I met my wife so it'll have a special place in my life forever. 

I love the dynamic between Alex and Strand, and I'm super interested in anything that explores that dynamic. More than that, I'd love to see finale fixits, or cases of the week or these idiots just being pining idiots over one another. Or just Alex punching a demon as they take Thomas Warren down. 

Hadestown: Hades and Persephone.

Hadestown came into my life in a funny way, but it's become a huge part of it. It almost always feels like the soundtrack is playing in the background of my head and I love every minute of it. 

In fic I am totally here for the shippiness, be it horrible middle of the cycle fighting and making up, or before the wheel turned and the Underworld turned into Hadestown, or for what happens after Orpheus turns around. I am literally here for anything that involves these two crazy gods trying to figure things out!

The Pretender Miss Parker and Jarod. 
Confession time here: I'm old. Miss Parker was very much a part of my formative years, and I wanted to be her bad ass lady self so much. This is a very old and dead fandom, which is why any and all fanfic will be a huge and amazing surprise. 

I'm here for anything involving the two of them working together. Mid series, post the movies trying to take down the Centre, actually attempting to define their relationship, I am literally here for it all! 

Once Upon a Time in Wonderland Anastasia, Will, Jafar

Here is a slightly terrible confession, my dear fanfic author: I am shipper trash, but most of all I am shipper trash for evil ships and Ana and Jafar are definitely one of them. I loved their dynamic in the show so much and would love to see what happens after Jafar gets out of that bottle, or an au or basically anything else! 

Ana and Will are my secondary OTP here, but I deeply love them too and think that Ana and Will totally got screwed out of their happy ending by the show, so anything that explains that is definitely a double bonus. 

Thank you again, dear fanfic writer! I seriously look forward to anything that you write, and hope you have a good time writing it. 
~Kim  
 [archiveofourown.org profile] aproclivity   
aproclivity: (God is in the rain)
You know, I used to worry about the fact that EJ would kill herself after my mom dies, which according to the doctor is sometime within the year. Again. Yeah, again. But after seeing Brave today with both EJ and my mom and sobbing my way through it, I'm realizing that it's just not going to be as easy for me to handle as I've always thought it was. For the first time, I, myself am worried about how I'm going to respond to it.

Fuck I hate fireworks. They're always so loud. I hate things that are loud.

I hate lots of things right now, and I'm just frightened of lots of things too. I'm frightened of having this ultrasound tomorrow and having gallstones and needing another surgery to fix that. Surgery and I just don't go well. Every one I've ever had has had some sort of complication, including a staph infection and welp, going fucking blind. Going blind is far worse obviously. Also I'm worried about how my fibro is getting progressively worse and I'm needing to take more and more drugs to simply be able to function. I've graduated from a metric fuckton of ibuprofen to like ultracet which is a big drug. Thankful it's not an opiate so there's not the same worry of addiction, but there's still worries nonetheless.

My headaches are apparently cluster headaches, and drugs don't touch them, so there's really nothing I can do but fucking grin and bear it. I'm not suicidal or anything, but I can understand why they're also called "suicide headaches." They suck are like giant clamping pains in your brain. They suck and all I can do is hope this active period stops soon. Like really soon.

I'm worried about money too. Worried about paying for classes, worried about paying for my mom's funeral, worried about just everything. I'm just like this constant pit of anxiety lately and I don't know what to do with it. Normally I'd just throw myself into RP but right now it hjust seems like I suck and no one wants me and it's bad. I'm just wanting to curl myself up into a ball. If I'm not good at this than what the fuck am I good at.

I read an article the other day about how like so many people are screwed after going to law school, and that just makes me feel worse. I feel listless, directionless and hopeless. I'd like this to go away now. Please.
aproclivity: (All for nothing)
Yeah, I know I never post here anymore, and probably the only person who is going to read this are russian spambots, but I am just... I don't even know.
Possibly triggering for abuse, drugs, and past issues.  )
aproclivity: (All for nothing)
Well, I may have really stepped in it this time.

I haven't been updating lately, mostly cause I do twitter now, and because like I don't really think people read this anymore. I don't know. But yeah, things are so fucking bad for me right now. I have a civil liberties midterm due at 4 and I can't even get a word typed.

So much has happened in the last two months I don't know where to start. This is one of those things that totally floodgates. Two months ago, EJ was driving and a water bottle rolled out of the cupholder and ended up below the brake pedal and got jammed. She couldn't get it out and she ended up crashing into a tree. The car was totalled and it shattered my mother's ankle.

I was on a bus to New York at the time, and my sister called me crying hysterically, but there was nothing I could do. In the end my mom ended up in a nursing home. I had to make all the decisions, talk everyone into calm, get shit straightened out and what not. And I'd already been struggling with depression and this just made it worse. I just had a hard time getting things done.

Then last week (two weeks? ten days? The first day of Spring Break) my mom had been sick for like two days and nothing was helping her. Nausea and diarrhea, and the medications they gave her weren't helping. They took her to the hospital where they thought she had a blood clot.

It wasn't a blood clot. They did a CT scan and found masses in her liver, lesions in her lungs. It was so bad that on 8 o'clock on a Friday night an oncologist from the practice where my mom had been treated before came over to talk to my mom.

She was meant to have a biopsy on Friday, but they didn't stop her blood thinners in time. So instead I sat in the oncologists office with my mom listening to her explain how bad this was. And it's bad even though I've been trying to like... think it's not and reassure her it's not. They can't radiate the lungs, she's not a candidate to be treated medically (the Doctor doesn't know for sure, but she doesn't think so) and there are multiple lesions on both lungs.

So yeah, in the middle of this I've been trying to do the midterm for a class I love and I keep sitting and staring at the paper with my brain going "My mom is probaby dying of cancer, how the hell do I do this?" And I can't get anything done. I don't know what to do. I don't know if I can ask for an extension... I just don't know.
aproclivity: (All for nothing)
My note from the universe today said:

When "bad" things happen to "good" people, Kim, it's often because they want to become even better teachers, guides, and helpers to those precious souls who will one day need them to be their rock.

Plus, today's bad is always tomorrow's boon, no matter who you are, no matter what has happened, and no matter how weak the coffee was.


I'm tired of bad things happening to good people, even if my position as a good person is always up for debate. I'm tired of dealing with this shit. I can legitimately barely move today, and I'm having a hard time even holding up my laptop. My arms and chest and legs just... don't want to move. It's like I'm needing to force the muscles and nerves double and triple hard to work together to form a cohesive bond. It's like there's this huge disconnect between everything in my body, and it's taking longer and longer to send signals between them.

And it hurts. It hurts so fucking much. It hurts to talk, to yell, to sing, to lift up anything, to type, to walk, to eat, to sigh, to sleep. All I want to do is sleep, but it hurts even to do that. Typing hurts and worse it's hard. Normally I can type in my bloody sleep, but right now... right now it's painful to press my fingers into the keys and it takes so long. Normally I type between 80-100 words a minute. Right now I'm probably averaging forty or so.

I'm still stuttering. It's worse later at night when I'm tired. It's so funny how the pain and the stuttering are connected. When one is worse, the other is worse too. It sucks. And I have to fucking pack and move in the next week and I have no idea how to do it. I don't think I should go back to school. I'm going, there's no doubt about that, but I really don't know if I should. I'm just gonna have to keep trying.

Ugh, keep trying. I'm so sick of needing to do that. I want things to be easy and smooth sailing. I just want everything to work. The speech therapist wants me to go to Boston, but I need to see my PCP before we can do it. I see her on Friday, which was the first appointment she had even though I called her on last bloody Monday when things started to get bad.

Keep getting worse. I'm very worried. I'm not like suicidal or anything, but like... I'm not having a good feeling of time at the moment. I'm sure it sounds melodramatic, but given how things have progressed in the last week... I think you'd feel the same way.
aproclivity: (All for nothing)
My sister has finally lost it, or is the process of losing it. I don't know. Things are bad here. For the past few months, there's been signs that her reality is different then ours. She says we say things we don't say, or remembers things that didn't happen... normally it's small things but there've been instances where it has been larger things. She was convinced that the Doctor told her that she needed to think of Johnathan as a "piece of flesh." That he "never was a baby." I mentioned it to Cindy, and Cindy said no, that the doctor was wicked pro-choice and someone who believes that life begins at conception. So she totally misheard what he was saying. She's refused to go back, and I think she's off her meds, but I can't be sure. EJ's got like... a whole huge contingent of mental stuff, including being bipolar and shit.

On Saturday, it was my nephew's third birthday. EJ and my mom went down there, because yeah. I didn't go (I had a migraine, and there was 20 kids there.) Two of my cousins have had babies since my sister lost hers, and my mother hasn't seen either of them. EJ can't handle being around babies. She won't go places like the mall or the movies because she's worried babies will be there. She won't watch Dexter because of the baby. Any movies with babies are banished. She's just been avoiding everything with a baby.

My mother has always been close to my cousin Eddie, and she hasn't seen the baby. At the party, he came over and put the baby in her arms and EJ just fucking lost it. She said that she told my mother that she wanted to leave (she didn't) and then she went and sat in the car and called me. She kept going on and on about how Jonathan was four months old "today." (This was Saturday.) Finally, as gently as I could, I said "No EJ, Jonathan's dead. He would have been four months old if he had lived, but he didn't." And she hung up on me. After I called her fifteen times, she just answered the phone with "You're supposed to make me feel better not worse!" And then hung up on me again. I called my mom then, and before my mom could walk across the lawn, EJ made our brother leave his son's party and drive her home.

When my mom got home, it was world war fucking three. My mom got into it with EJ, and then my Dad joined the fray. My sister said that she had told my mom that she wanted to leave, and she didn't, and then she couldn't wait for my mom to walk across the lawn... and then came the doosey. EJ told my mother that she was a traitor for holding a baby, and that she didn't care about EJ or her feelings.

WTF? Yeah. Because everything that's happened in the last four months hasn't been about her. That my mom has completely shunned anything with babies, and worst of all... that my mother doesn't care. My mother didn't fucking sleep at night until I came home, so that she could be there if EJ needed her. She has nightmares about performing CPR on a baby that's been dead for a week, and is covered in blood. She has fucking nightmares about seeing EJ's insides falling out. But no, doesn't care.

Things got bad and EJ stormed upstairs and locked her door. And then my parents started fighting and my mom picked up a plate and threw it at my dad where it hit the wall and shattered. I think he threw one back. All I know is that there was a shit ton of glass and tears and bullshit and I had to clean it up.

Yesterday was better, and then EJ went with my mom to see my mom's elderly friend Mary. I was on my way to see Amanda Palmer. (Awesome show, but sadly, I can't move today. Too much on my poor knee.) Apparently, while they were there, EJ lost it again and told my mother that she had promised never to hold another baby. My mom proceeded to lose it then, because she never would have promised that. They woke me up fighting about it this morning.

The sad thing is that EJ really believes all this happened. She believes my mom promised this, she believes that the doctor said that, she believes all this shit. And I don't know what to do, I don't know what to do and it's killing me. I just want to run away or do something stupid. The tension in my house keeps getting worse and it's smothering me, cutting off my oxygen. I just really have no fucking clue what to do. My mom's health is so bad, EJ's sanity is so bad and it seems like they're fighting against each other... I just don't know.
aproclivity: (All for nothing)
The skinny, because I need to rant in more then the 144 characters twitter and facebook allow me.

My mom had a heart attack yesterday. She'd been having chest pains every day for the last two weeks and didn't tell anyone, not even the Doctor. The only reason she admitted it yesterday was because the doctor pushed her to admit it. She saw the cardiologist last week and just told her that the pains were coming "more often." This is me livid. Like so livid. Oi. I knew things were worse then she was saying, but I had no idea how much worse. She never wants to bother anyone and doesn't understand the simple prospect that preventive measures mean things like this don't have to happen. I love my mother to pieces, but I'm just so fucking angry right now.

She's going to have a shunt put in, but not today. Still hasn't seen a doctor but she's on the cardiac monitoring floor. They've done a shit ton of blood tests and stuff She'll be in a few days to be stabilized. Oi. I'm home with my sister because neither one of us do hospitals very well. Just... fuck my life. For serious. I'm so tired of being the grown up in my family.
aproclivity: (Default)
  • 08:35 Hmm. I'm actually. *Gulp* Glad about the losing 11 pages thing. I have an entirely different paper concept based on fear and democracy. #
  • 08:48 @Schonste booze always helps, randomly. And blueberries. #
  • 09:09 @VegasWalkinDude Clearly, you just need to go and kill some people at twitter. #
  • 09:24 @Schonste Mmm. Cinco de Mayo. #
  • 12:46 Mmm. Mint tea goes so well with a rainy day. #
  • 13:45 Is feeling very Nightwishy today. #
  • 15:06 @Schonste Mmm. Now I want a burger instead of wings. Damn, that looks good. #
Automatically shipped by LoudTwitter
aproclivity: (Default)
  • 08:21 @amandapalmer but drinking and blogging so often equals truth. #
  • 08:21 Really shouldn't have slept, because now I can't remember fuckall for my presentation. Had interesting dreams, though. #
  • 08:43 Oh hey, Happy Star Wars Day. #
  • 09:20 @ihadtimetokill Want me to bring you redbull to Lunch? #
  • 10:56 Wow, the housekeeper went crazy with the bleach. I can smell it in my room. #
  • 10:57 @Schonste Omfg that is the cutest thing ever. #
  • 10:57 @VegasWalkinDude Does booze count as a drug there, then? #
  • 14:44 Ugh. Presentation fail. #
  • 14:50 I need a large drink. Or Vodka gummybears. #
  • 15:22 These triple ginger snap cookies are great. Fresh, ground and crystallized ftw. #
  • 15:24 @molliekatie you. Dinner? #
  • 19:00 Damn, I was gonna be so productive tonight. #
  • 19:20 @RobertLPhillips We have a girl in quarantine here. #
  • 19:44 @Trinora Wow. What a fucking bitch, dude. #
  • 20:28 Perhaps I shouldn't have had that beer... #
  • 22:40 @VoltjanStevens Where do you blog, because I'm nosy. #
Automatically shipped by LoudTwitter
aproclivity: (Default)
  • 08:26 yeah. A wasted day. Fuck. #
  • 12:00 oh, but a nap sounds so good right about now. #
  • 15:12 Crapspackle. #
  • 15:34 @HappyRotter Oh crap. #
  • 15:59 No. Bad open office. Bad! *cries* #
  • 16:43 God. I hate everything forever. #
  • 20:18 And the news that swine flu is possibly on the moho campus has killed the confesh. Come back, confesh! #
  • 22:18 yeah, I appear to be dead now. Bed time and will finish presentation stuff in the morning and paperstuff tomorrow night. #
  • 23:05 @SpookyDan Ooooh, so lucky! #
Automatically shipped by LoudTwitter
aproclivity: (Default)
  • 07:51 @Chrysalid Ooooooh. Wants! #
  • 08:36 RT @@postsecret Later today, when I post the SaturdaySecrets, if 1,000 of you ReTweet it, I will contribute $1,000.00 to 1(800)SUICIDE. #
  • 10:55 Tired, grumpy and neurotic. This is gonna be a great day. #
  • 15:44 RT@postsecret #SaturdaySecrets ad.vu/4i4f (ReTweet for 1(800)SUICIDE Fundraiser) #
  • 21:23 should be doing her homework, but instead is drinking. Need free booze. #
Automatically shipped by LoudTwitter
aproclivity: (Default)
  • 09:34 @Trinora stab her in the eye. #
  • 09:35 @VegasWalkinDude What about law school students? Do they get it? Or do they half get it, cause some of them still have some soul? #
  • 09:38 Ugh. Slept later then I intended and had bad dreams. #
  • 09:39 @Trinora True facts. #
  • 09:43 I am going to shoot this stupid girl in the face. Seriously. God, why are girls stupid? I do not understand this. #
  • 09:44 You have allergies. That is not the swine flu. Sorry. #
  • 10:18 @Schonste bats are so freaking adorable. #
  • 10:46 And JoJo sends out an email about swine flu. Cue more panic. #
  • 16:31 Oh, so fucking kill Darth Vader. #
  • 21:14 Is a sad panda. #
  • 22:22 you and I? We're fucking done professionally. #
Automatically shipped by LoudTwitter
aproclivity: (Default)
  • 00:12 I am going to kill the girls outside. Possibly by dropping pins out my window to see if they puncture the air in their heads. #
  • 06:41 Took a sleeping pill, woke up panicking, had bad dreams. Waiting until 9 to call the doctor. #
  • 08:07 seeing the doctor in an hour and fifteen minutes. Please think good thoughts for me. #
  • 10:43 @sexygeologist I made it to listen to the last 15 minutes or so. Yay! #
  • 10:52 So, I'm okay, this time. Eventually I'll learn the difference between the old flashers and the new but until then... panic and DR every time #
  • 10:58 @sexygeologist Are you coming to lunch in Kendade? #
  • 15:58 Yes. Sometimes killing everyone is so the direct answer. Oi. I fucking hate the living. #
  • 16:23 @Trinora Everything is better in New Hampshire. #
  • 18:15 @Trinora Is there Vesmir tonight? #
Automatically shipped by LoudTwitter
aproclivity: (All for nothing)
I'm trying very hard not to think this is because I had hope that the calcium in my left eye could be taken out and I would be fine. Also, I feel very alone right now.
aproclivity: (Default)
  • 08:28 I fucking loathe finals. And I loathe how this paper is making me feel about myself. #
  • 09:01 @Chrysalid No, it's not a bad plan. They probably need people like you with a conscience and stuff. #
  • 09:17 @Chrysalid Of course they do. After all, they need to look good with the naysayers and probably will attempt to convert you. "Join us." #
  • 09:41 @sexygeologist YAY! #
  • 10:41 I am highly fucking amused by the idea of RPing on Twitter. Especially something cool and relevant to my interests like 'The Stand.' Hmm... #
  • 10:50 @jeffcthomefan Yeah, I got added by someone RPing Mother Abigail from the stand. I'm like... impressed and interested. #
  • 10:58 God, I want to shoot someone in the face over this paper. I worry it's going to kill my V love. #
  • 11:05 @PhelanLainW Yes plz. Especially with decafe. #
  • 14:56 @Trinora ..... wtf? #
  • 14:56 My professor whom I hate is offering free extensions. Do I take one? #
  • 15:05 @PhelanLainW I so already am pushing it off as long as i can. #
  • 15:34 @Trinora mmm pulled pork. How cheap is it to fly? #
  • 17:54 ugh, girls in my film class are so fucking loud. Oi. STFU if you please. #
  • 20:55 is doing some serious drinking, thinking, planning, praying and cleaning. If anyone @moho finds my eye of horus, save it please. #
  • 21:24 ...this is gonna be the longest night of my life. #
  • 21:30 Having flashers in my good eye. Can't do anything about it until tomorrow. Long fucking night. #
  • 21:36 doihaveswineflu.org/ #
  • 23:27 Someone dropped of my pendant. Thank gods. #
  • 00:12 I am going to kill the girls outside. Possibly by dropping pins out my window to see if they puncture the air in their heads. #
Automatically shipped by LoudTwitter
aproclivity: (Default)
  • 08:29 ugh why am I waking up every two hours again? #
  • 09:29 @Schonste ...Me and my patch would fit right in. #
  • 12:25 @Trinora OMFG, ME WHERE ALL BLACK? NO! #
  • 13:36 I fucking hate, hate, hate smoke detectors. Stupid standing outside in the hot sun with the shrill noise. Head. Ache. #
  • 15:29 I would like a thunderstorm now. #
  • 15:56 @ihadtimetokill @molliekatie is there food? #
  • 15:58 @ihadtimetokill I know. I was considering suggesting across the road or Blanch. God, this is twice this week when everything bites. #
  • 16:04 @ihadtimetokill I have Senate at 7:30. #
Automatically shipped by LoudTwitter

Profile

aproclivity: (Default)
aproclivity

November 2019

S M T W T F S
     12
3456789
10111213141516
17181920212223
24252627282930

Syndicate

RSS Atom

Most Popular Tags

Style Credit

Expand Cut Tags

No cut tags
Page generated Jun. 19th, 2025 05:04 am
Powered by Dreamwidth Studios