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My note from the universe today said:
When "bad" things happen to "good" people, Kim, it's often because they want to become even better teachers, guides, and helpers to those precious souls who will one day need them to be their rock.
Plus, today's bad is always tomorrow's boon, no matter who you are, no matter what has happened, and no matter how weak the coffee was.
I'm tired of bad things happening to good people, even if my position as a good person is always up for debate. I'm tired of dealing with this shit. I can legitimately barely move today, and I'm having a hard time even holding up my laptop. My arms and chest and legs just... don't want to move. It's like I'm needing to force the muscles and nerves double and triple hard to work together to form a cohesive bond. It's like there's this huge disconnect between everything in my body, and it's taking longer and longer to send signals between them.
And it hurts. It hurts so fucking much. It hurts to talk, to yell, to sing, to lift up anything, to type, to walk, to eat, to sigh, to sleep. All I want to do is sleep, but it hurts even to do that. Typing hurts and worse it's hard. Normally I can type in my bloody sleep, but right now... right now it's painful to press my fingers into the keys and it takes so long. Normally I type between 80-100 words a minute. Right now I'm probably averaging forty or so.
I'm still stuttering. It's worse later at night when I'm tired. It's so funny how the pain and the stuttering are connected. When one is worse, the other is worse too. It sucks. And I have to fucking pack and move in the next week and I have no idea how to do it. I don't think I should go back to school. I'm going, there's no doubt about that, but I really don't know if I should. I'm just gonna have to keep trying.
Ugh, keep trying. I'm so sick of needing to do that. I want things to be easy and smooth sailing. I just want everything to work. The speech therapist wants me to go to Boston, but I need to see my PCP before we can do it. I see her on Friday, which was the first appointment she had even though I called her on last bloody Monday when things started to get bad.
Keep getting worse. I'm very worried. I'm not like suicidal or anything, but like... I'm not having a good feeling of time at the moment. I'm sure it sounds melodramatic, but given how things have progressed in the last week... I think you'd feel the same way.
When "bad" things happen to "good" people, Kim, it's often because they want to become even better teachers, guides, and helpers to those precious souls who will one day need them to be their rock.
Plus, today's bad is always tomorrow's boon, no matter who you are, no matter what has happened, and no matter how weak the coffee was.
I'm tired of bad things happening to good people, even if my position as a good person is always up for debate. I'm tired of dealing with this shit. I can legitimately barely move today, and I'm having a hard time even holding up my laptop. My arms and chest and legs just... don't want to move. It's like I'm needing to force the muscles and nerves double and triple hard to work together to form a cohesive bond. It's like there's this huge disconnect between everything in my body, and it's taking longer and longer to send signals between them.
And it hurts. It hurts so fucking much. It hurts to talk, to yell, to sing, to lift up anything, to type, to walk, to eat, to sigh, to sleep. All I want to do is sleep, but it hurts even to do that. Typing hurts and worse it's hard. Normally I can type in my bloody sleep, but right now... right now it's painful to press my fingers into the keys and it takes so long. Normally I type between 80-100 words a minute. Right now I'm probably averaging forty or so.
I'm still stuttering. It's worse later at night when I'm tired. It's so funny how the pain and the stuttering are connected. When one is worse, the other is worse too. It sucks. And I have to fucking pack and move in the next week and I have no idea how to do it. I don't think I should go back to school. I'm going, there's no doubt about that, but I really don't know if I should. I'm just gonna have to keep trying.
Ugh, keep trying. I'm so sick of needing to do that. I want things to be easy and smooth sailing. I just want everything to work. The speech therapist wants me to go to Boston, but I need to see my PCP before we can do it. I see her on Friday, which was the first appointment she had even though I called her on last bloody Monday when things started to get bad.
Keep getting worse. I'm very worried. I'm not like suicidal or anything, but like... I'm not having a good feeling of time at the moment. I'm sure it sounds melodramatic, but given how things have progressed in the last week... I think you'd feel the same way.
