aproclivity

Well, I may have really stepped in it this time.

I haven't been updating lately, mostly cause I do twitter now, and because like I don't really think people read this anymore. I don't know. But yeah, things are so fucking bad for me right now. I have a civil liberties midterm due at 4 and I can't even get a word typed.

So much has happened in the last two months I don't know where to start. This is one of those things that totally floodgates. Two months ago, EJ was driving and a water bottle rolled out of the cupholder and ended up below the brake pedal and got jammed. She couldn't get it out and she ended up crashing into a tree. The car was totalled and it shattered my mother's ankle.

I was on a bus to New York at the time, and my sister called me crying hysterically, but there was nothing I could do. In the end my mom ended up in a nursing home. I had to make all the decisions, talk everyone into calm, get shit straightened out and what not. And I'd already been struggling with depression and this just made it worse. I just had a hard time getting things done.

Then last week (two weeks? ten days? The first day of Spring Break) my mom had been sick for like two days and nothing was helping her. Nausea and diarrhea, and the medications they gave her weren't helping. They took her to the hospital where they thought she had a blood clot.

It wasn't a blood clot. They did a CT scan and found masses in her liver, lesions in her lungs. It was so bad that on 8 o'clock on a Friday night an oncologist from the practice where my mom had been treated before came over to talk to my mom.

She was meant to have a biopsy on Friday, but they didn't stop her blood thinners in time. So instead I sat in the oncologists office with my mom listening to her explain how bad this was. And it's bad even though I've been trying to like... think it's not and reassure her it's not. They can't radiate the lungs, she's not a candidate to be treated medically (the Doctor doesn't know for sure, but she doesn't think so) and there are multiple lesions on both lungs.

So yeah, in the middle of this I've been trying to do the midterm for a class I love and I keep sitting and staring at the paper with my brain going "My mom is probaby dying of cancer, how the hell do I do this?" And I can't get anything done. I don't know what to do. I don't know if I can ask for an extension... I just don't know.

Oh, my head is fucking spinning, but in a good way. My mom's heart stopped during surgery again, but this time they were ready for it and got it started right back up. Apparently this is going to happen every time she goes under anesthesia, which worries me. Oi. She's okay now, thank goodness.

Anyway. I want sushi, blueberry vodka and Batman. In that order.

So yeah. Legend is like one of my favorite movies all time, and it's one of the five movies that seriously fucked up my perception of love for life. If you know me long enough, you'll eventually hear the rant on it, but now's not the time.

So, I'm on a Legend list from many, many moons ago, and it's been mostly inactive for years. Today I randomly get an email with a link to this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7udbXtKW_Aw. It's a Legend stage show. It's painful. Worse then MACBETH painful. It's an hour of crap...and I can't stop watching it. Bad acting, dialouge and singing. But I can't stop.

Anyway, my mom's infection has spread to her kidneys, and she's still in pain even though she's on morphine. But her fever hasn't spiked again. She sounds like shit. Oy.