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aproclivityI don't think I can do this anymore. I really don't. I start the day with such large and lofty intentions, but at the same time, I'm so low that I don't think I can do them. I seriously wish that I could just think things onto a screen, because maybe that way I'll be able to get thing done. That's a huge part of the problem. Last night when I was trying to sleep, I actually had this idea for the paper that I can't seem to write, and like... I could see an entire paragraph in my head, and then getting up and walking the six feet from my bed to my computer and turning it on; it was gone. Completely. So I sat there for fourty minutes just staring at it, imploring it come back.
I seriously may have lost my mind.
And then you add in what I have been doing on this stupid stats project thing. I had a simple idea. I would collect numbers and test on the fact that HCC has a higher graduation/transfer rate then the national average. Seems fucking simple, right? WRONG. There is no national average for these things, and all the numbers just talk about new students each year and not the total students and I totally fucked up on my test and had to go get help again!
I fucking hate having to get help for anything, I really do, but I don't know, I can't seem to get fucking anything done. I just can't seem to. I have so much to do in the next like week. And yes, this rant is entirely pockmarked with spelling errors; I don't give a fuck. Consider them the rantings of a mind being lost. Also, I'm not counting regular homework in here, such as the three books I have left to read and shit.
1.) Seven page paper that was due at midsemester that I haven't been able to write. Must take two major sources and two hand outs and form a critical synthis about them.
Idea: Have had it for seven weeks: Captialism is dependant on otherization. Otherization was first practiced on poor women. Whenever the apperatis of otherization is passed along, women are always exploited no matter what other explotion is going around on it.
Problem: I can't seem to fucking write it.
2.) Seven page paper on themes in one of five films that we saw and having three additional pieces of research on them.
Idea: A comparison of the myth of Valkryes with themes of colonialism and why the song was used in Apolypose Now.
Problem: My fucking professors have decided to make my life FUCKING SUCK by adding additional compoants to it such as the politcal climate that created the need for the myth, and then the politcal climate when Wagner wrote the music and how that compares to Colonialism.
Problem 2: There is no shit on norse mythology in the HCC library which means I'm gonna have to go to MH to research it which sucks and makes me feel like shit because of it.
3.) Seven page critical synthic with four major sources.
Idea: How the system of colonization dehumanizes both the colonized and the colonizer.
Problem: So much work and so little time.
4.) Stats project consisting of two parts, so really it counts at two things I have to do. I have to deal with a study using stats and write a two page paper on it, and then I have to construct a hypothosis testing bullshit with the problem above.
Problem: See above.
5.) Stats take home test.
Problem: The last one took me forever to fucking do, what is this one gonna do?
6.) Stats final.
Problem: I can't remember chapter four with the book in front of me, how the fuck am I gonna remember back to chapter one without it.
Problem 2: It took me five hours to do it before I got pissed; how am I gonna do it in the two hours alloted for the exam.
7.) Seven two page soc responses.
Problem: I don't care about the stupid class.
8.) Two tests, including final.
Problem: See above.
I have no idea what I'm gonna do, and I know that sitting here whining about it isn't really gonna do me any fucking good at all, but what can I do about that?
I seriously may have lost my mind.
And then you add in what I have been doing on this stupid stats project thing. I had a simple idea. I would collect numbers and test on the fact that HCC has a higher graduation/transfer rate then the national average. Seems fucking simple, right? WRONG. There is no national average for these things, and all the numbers just talk about new students each year and not the total students and I totally fucked up on my test and had to go get help again!
I fucking hate having to get help for anything, I really do, but I don't know, I can't seem to get fucking anything done. I just can't seem to. I have so much to do in the next like week. And yes, this rant is entirely pockmarked with spelling errors; I don't give a fuck. Consider them the rantings of a mind being lost. Also, I'm not counting regular homework in here, such as the three books I have left to read and shit.
1.) Seven page paper that was due at midsemester that I haven't been able to write. Must take two major sources and two hand outs and form a critical synthis about them.
Idea: Have had it for seven weeks: Captialism is dependant on otherization. Otherization was first practiced on poor women. Whenever the apperatis of otherization is passed along, women are always exploited no matter what other explotion is going around on it.
Problem: I can't seem to fucking write it.
2.) Seven page paper on themes in one of five films that we saw and having three additional pieces of research on them.
Idea: A comparison of the myth of Valkryes with themes of colonialism and why the song was used in Apolypose Now.
Problem: My fucking professors have decided to make my life FUCKING SUCK by adding additional compoants to it such as the politcal climate that created the need for the myth, and then the politcal climate when Wagner wrote the music and how that compares to Colonialism.
Problem 2: There is no shit on norse mythology in the HCC library which means I'm gonna have to go to MH to research it which sucks and makes me feel like shit because of it.
3.) Seven page critical synthic with four major sources.
Idea: How the system of colonization dehumanizes both the colonized and the colonizer.
Problem: So much work and so little time.
4.) Stats project consisting of two parts, so really it counts at two things I have to do. I have to deal with a study using stats and write a two page paper on it, and then I have to construct a hypothosis testing bullshit with the problem above.
Problem: See above.
5.) Stats take home test.
Problem: The last one took me forever to fucking do, what is this one gonna do?
6.) Stats final.
Problem: I can't remember chapter four with the book in front of me, how the fuck am I gonna remember back to chapter one without it.
Problem 2: It took me five hours to do it before I got pissed; how am I gonna do it in the two hours alloted for the exam.
7.) Seven two page soc responses.
Problem: I don't care about the stupid class.
8.) Two tests, including final.
Problem: See above.
I have no idea what I'm gonna do, and I know that sitting here whining about it isn't really gonna do me any fucking good at all, but what can I do about that?
