There's devils to slay and dragons to ride...

[aproclivity]

So yeah. Two weeks from now I'll be home. It kinda fails. A lot. Tonight Steph and I took the bus over to Noho to get dinner and to go birthday shopping for Brien. I realized, when I sat on the bus how buggered I really am. I've had nine months of not driving and having the bus to go wherever I needed to. I just...get on and I can do what I need to do. It's easy here, I can walk down to Blanch or to Tailgate to get what I need. And now, I'm gonna be going home where the nearest store is a mile's walk. This is gonna be the first time since I went blind how dependent I need to be on other people. I was talking to folks about coming up and hanging in Noho and then I realized...I would have to ask my mom to bring me. I'm gonna have all summer and the rest of my life to get that...I can't do anything like I used to. I can't go get taco bell at 2 am, or drive to Syracuse to see my girlfriend, or go to the beach or just take off and drive to New Haven so I can go to NYC...I can't do any of that now and it sucks so fucking badly.

I loved to drive. I loved having the music all loud and the windows open and just going...and it's all gone.

I was talking to Sara about it tonight, and she said it never goes away, that whole feeling just stays with you. I'm not sure how to deal with it, how to try and reconcile all the things I can't do anymore. I'm just... yeah. Fail.

Oh yeah, they suspended my liscense, so the whole thing about not driving is official like.

Comments

Sorry

[othermewriter.livejournal.com]

I am very sorry to hear this, I know how hard it has been for my aunt and she is only legally blind. I wish there was something I could do to help. I do know that if you put your mind to it there are still lots and lots of things you can do. I have a friend who criss crosses the country talking with youth groups (by himself) and he is completely blind. I know that there is nothing that will ever completely replace what has been lost but that doesn't mean you can't have a wonderful life. Work with your local blind community and find out what resources there are, the fact that your already able to work with a computer means your on your way. HUGS